Supermarket Stalker
by Ashinan
Summary: There were two things Tsuna hated in life: supermarkets and being shot. Sadly, the second one always seemed to lead to a confrontation with the first. AU


**A/N**_:_ So, I return! I thank all of you for being patient, and since I am still working out a few kinks (HA) in **Want Me**, I'll be posting some oneshots I wrote whilst waiting for my computer to come back (which it _finally_ did). **Warning**: does contain some **slash**, so if you don't like it, **don't read it**. All right, so beginning!

**Disclaimer**: Anything I write is mine; it's just the characters that I borrow.

**Summary**: There were two things Tsuna hated in life: supermarkets and being shot. Sadly, the second one always seemed to lead to a confrontation with the first. AU

**Songs**: _ATC - I'm in Heaven; Sin with Sebastian - Shut up and Sleep with me_

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_**Supermarket Stalker**_

The morning dawned bright and clear. Birds whistled through the sky in an endless dance of courtship and dogs roamed about each other for a friendly sniff. Morning joggers were out far too early to be considered sane and the poor newspaper boy was tossing newspapers at people's doors and lawn gnomes. One of these papers smacked in the middle of a quaint little white house, complete with white picket fence. And the one that lived in this adorably effeminate home was none other than Sawada Tsunayoshi.

Who was, currently, trying to figure out what culinary God he had pissed off.

At five o'clock in the morning, Tsuna was making a cake. Or attempting to. There was no reason to be up this early baking a cake except that he had a wedding to attend and he knew that if he didn't finish it _now_ it would never get done (and that he would most likely get shot). Except there was one little snag he hadn't counted on.

The night before, at almost eight o'clock, Gokudera had wandered past his house and asked if he had any eggs. Tsuna was suspicious that the handsome Italian (that for some bizarre reason kept calling him, 'Tenth') didn't actually _need_ eggs, but was using the excuse to talk to him. He had months of proof for his careful deduction and when he handed Gokudera the eggs he required, the sad look on the older man's face solidified his belief. It didn't help that Yamamoto came at that exact moment, asking about oil. Gokudera had nearly lost it and punched Yamamoto in the face, but Tsuna's quick reflexes, and equally quick ability to retrieve objects from his pantry managed to stave off a blood bath.

After the two of them had left, he had noticed a small yellow bird perched above his doorway. It was small enough to fit into the palm of his hand, but he already knew that this bird wasn't wild. It belonged to the crazy disciplinary man down the street who had an odd habit of checking up on him at all hours of the day (and night) just for the fun of it. Tsuna had once thought it was because the older man was worried for him, but after Hibari broke into his house and chastised him for not installing metal _bars_ on his windows, he thought quite differently. Hibari was just out to scare him to death.

Ignoring the small bird, he was just about to re-enter his house when another person turned up his walkway, his brilliant smile enough to cause Tsuna pause. When Ryohei called out for an _extreme_ amount of flour, Tsuna shook his head and allowed the exuberant man inside.

After Tsuna had fetched him his flour and had inquired about Kyoko (his long time crush), Ryohei had been on his way and Tsuna had settled down on the couch, hoping for a quiet evening. He was silly to believe such a thing would occur.

The phone had rung and Tsuna wished he had never picked it up. It had been Reborn, his father's crazy friend who apparently was his godfather. There was some nonsense about a wedding, how Tsuna was supposed to bake some cakes for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night, and that if he didn't, he would get shot.

Tsuna, of course, took this threat to heart.

Except he hadn't counted on three men coming to his house and demanding the household ingredients _needed_ to make a cake. Thus why he was still up at five o'clock in the morning worrying. And trying to find a recipe that did not include flour, eggs, or oil. So far, he was unsuccessful.

As Tsuna rummaged through his cupboards one last time, knowing he wouldn't find anything of use in their nearly empty depths, he realized he would have to go to the supermarket. And he hated going to the supermarket. Mainly because he hated dealing with the people there. Everyone looked down on him; it was like his title from high school and university haunted him still. The soccer moms elbowed him out of the way in the vegetable section. The children tripped him in the meat department. The tall, usually-with-their-wives men stared at him far too long for it to be considered normal whenever he was in the cold food section. He did _not_ like the supermarket.

But because he was risking getting shot if he didn't complete the four cakes Reborn demanded, Tsuna went back to bed for the three hours it would take for the grocery store to open and dreamt of guns and frosting.

-.-

Tsuna parked the car, turned off the ignition, and just sat there. He stared up at the overtly large building, complete with blaringly large letters that proclaimed it as the local '_Superstore_'. He cringed inside as a van pulled in beside him and a mother and her children hopped out. He just knew that woman would be driving her elbows into his ribs very soon.

With a resigned sigh he opened the door and climbed out. Brunette locks feathered down below his ears and a thin ponytail curled its way between his shoulder blades. He grabbed at his ear, where he had gotten it pierced on a spur of the moment in university, and twisted the barb. He could do this. He _could_. It was just a supermarket after all. What was the worst that could happen?

It started when he got to the cart line. The mother from before was waiting for an elderly woman to pull out her cart and was growing impatient. Instead of helping the woman, the mother scolded her children for running around like monkeys (one of them stopped and called Tsuna a 'very pretty lady') and she didn't both apologizing for her cursing. The elderly woman seemed to grow more frantic to get her cart out but was unable to. Tsuna, feeling guilty, moved forward and pulled it out, pushing it away from the mother and her children.

The woman looked up at him in surprise before reaching up (_not very far_, Tsuna thought with disdain) and patting his cheek, "You have such lovely, kind eyes, young man. Thank you."

Tsuna blinked at the compliment and before he could reply, he was promptly kicked in the shins by one of the brats from before as the mother and her kids bustled by. Stifling a curse, he turned and hobbled back to the cart line, finding to his dismay a line of four in front of him now. Sighing, he waited, and ignored the look he gained from an older man standing with his (proclaimed) wife. The look seemed to scream that if Tsuna didn't leave the vicinity of his wife very, _very_ soon, he would pay. Or it could be something else entirely, having to do with bending Tsuna over the nearest horizontal surface, but Tsuna was firm in his belief that his looks were nothing if not hideous, so the former threat was more legit.

When he finally grabbed his cart and entered the giant supermarket, he was immediately met with an excruciating buzz. Children screaming, cashier's ringing items through, mothers quarrelling, fathers sighing. Everything crashed in on his ears and he winced. He dodged to the side and stood there for a few moments, collecting his thoughts. And that was when it happened.

It started along with the low buzz in his ear, progressively growing louder until he felt a warm presence beside his own. When he turned to hear what the noise was, he was met with dichromatic eyes and black hair that shone an odd shade of blue. The man was taller than him, much taller (Tsuna glared mentally) and had an eerie smile decorating his lips. His very _nice_, very _full_ lips...

"Can I help you find anything, beautiful?" The stranger asked, startling Tsuna out of his uncharacteristic desire to find out how soft those lips really were. He sensed a bit of Italian in his accent and wondered how the voice would sound saying his name. He blinked in horror at his feelings and stared up at the man. There was that niggling feeling that he was being mocked, and he didn't appreciate it. He had been here all of two minutes and the emotional trauma was already beginning. _Great_.

"No. Thank you, though," Tsuna moved away from him, slightly angry that the man would use Tsuna's looks to get to him. Tsuna knew he had inherited his mother's lithe form and none of his father's brawn, but that didn't mean every bloody person had to mock him for it.

He got about half way to the vegetable section when he realized the man was still following him, apparently with the intent to stalk and harass him. That was, until Tsuna noticed the uniform the stranger was wearing and how there was an X-acto knife in one of his pockets. Apparently he worked at the store.

Feeling stupid for thinking the man was stalking someone like him, Tsuna continued on his way, flinching when one of the women elbowed him out of the way on his way to grab celery and how her husband copped a feel (Tsuna prayed it was an accident). All the while, the tall man from before never strayed far from where Tsuna was.

When he made his way to the meat section, he kept an eye out for brats. And their apparently clumsy fathers. His rear had been grabbed at least three times now, and it was getting old. He started when he realized that the employee was standing by the steaks, where Tsuna had intended to go, and was stacking the meat on top of each other.

Annoyed, and suddenly in pain from a random foot finding his shin, Tsuna walked over to the man and stood beside him, staring down at the array of red that suddenly blended before his eyes. He continued to stare at it until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help you with anything, beautiful?" A voice all but purred into his ear. Tsuna suppressed a shiver as warm breath fanned over his cheek.

He then realized the man had used that same term again. It wasn't appealing and only served to fuel Tsuna's annoyance, "No." He stopped and thought on it for a moment. Before he could stop himself, he blurted, "Why do you insist on calling me 'beautiful'?"

The other man seemed taken aback. He blinked, once, twice, and then rubbed a hand over his eyes before looking at Tsuna once again, "Because you are. Have you not noticed the other men falling over themselves just to touch you? The way the women can't help but glare when you walk by?"

The brunette thought on this, realizing slowly that perhaps those clumsy fathers hadn't been clumsy. And that the stares hadn't been because he was utterly hideous. And that maybe the wives and women elbowing him in the ribs weren't because of annoyance. But he quickly dismissed those thoughts. He had never had a relationship, so how could he be considered 'beautiful' when no one would take the time of day to date him?

"I think you're wrong," Tsuna stated, keeping the image of his No-Good self in mind. He reached past the other man for one of the steaks.

And was promptly groped.

Choking back a yelp, Tsuna straightened and stared in indignation at the dichromatic eyed man. There was that shit-eating grin back on his lips and he leaned forward, trapping Tsuna between the meat and himself.

"Well, should I prove you wrong?" He whispered, leaning closer until the brunette could feel the buttons on the man's work shirt. "Because you are absolutely _perfect_."

Lips brushed against his ear and Tsuna swallowed hard, for a moment forgetting that he was in a supermarket, and that the person touching him was a complete and utter stranger. Then that thought took hold and he noticed the array of people stopped around them. A blush rose on Tsuna's face and he shoved away the other man with a glare.

"I don't even know your name! And I'm sure there's a policy against – against _groping_ _customers_! And why –"

"Rokudo Mukuro."

Tsuna stopped and blinked, "What?"

"My name: Rokudo Mukuro. And yourself?"

"Sawada Tsunayoshi," Tsuna replied without thinking. He mentally cursed himself as another smirk found its way onto Mukuro's lips.

"Well then, now that we are acquainted..." Mukuro was back, and Tsuna brought up the steak he had grabbed in his haste to halt Mukuro from moving too close. Staring wide eyed up at the employee, he tried to push back, but lost his balance as the low barrier for the meat dug into the back of his knees. He tried to bring his hands down to stop his fall, but was stopped before he even considered it by an arm around his waist. And then there was warm breath fanning over his cheek and he wondered if he tipped his head up just so, if he would be able to figure out how soft Mukuro's lips actually were and ...

There was a cough from beside him and Tsuna started, flailing once more in Mukuro's grasp. The employee sighed, glancing sideways as his arm held firmly to the now stable brunette. Tsuna didn't register that one hand was clutching the front of Mukuro's uniform (the other still held the frozen meat), or that the taller man had hooked his fingers in Tsuna's belt loop. All Tsuna noticed was the bright white tag that was labelled 'Manager'.

"Mukuro, I have told you a thousand fucking times that touching the customers is fucking prohibited. I won't get sued again because you can't keep your fucking dick in your pants!" The man damn near shouted, looking menacing with his long silver hair and piercing gaze. Tsuna released his hold on the Mukuro and used the steak (which had probably thawed by now due to their close proximity) to try and get some distance between them. But the tight hold the other man had on his waist (and was that hand caressing his ass?!) kept him from moving far.

Mukuro seemed undeterred by the manager's threats and just smiled, "I will speak with Xanxus afterwards. Currently I am...surveying the local customers on how to make the company more profitable."

The manager sighed before rolling his eyes and flipping back a piece of silvery hair, "Don't fucking take forever. There's a section off the side of frozen foods we had to close off because Bel wanted to know how fast shit melted." The look on the man's face made Tsuna squeak. Thunderclouds looked like sunshine compared to what marred his face. "You need to get _your_ annoying ass over there and clean it up. And make sure this one doesn't sue our asses after you're done with him."

"Of course."

The rest of the conversation was lost on Tsuna, who was still trying to remove Mukuro's fingers from his belt loop and was failing miserably. He hardly noticed when the manager spun on his heel (was he seriously wearing high heeled _boots_?) but regained his senses when he felt Mukuro pull him closer.

"Now, where were we?"

Tsuna tensed, fervently ignoring the throb in his lower regions at the sound of Mukuro's voice, and the puff of warm air that flitted over his lips. He didn't need this right now. He had to make a stupid cake for a stupid wedding rehearsal so he didn't get shot. And he was going to get shot if he indulged this man.

Which he wasn't planning on doing. Because he wasn't, nor had he ever been, gay. At least, his crush on Kyoko designated him as straight. He disregarded all attempts to find out how Mukuro's lips felt as a simple delusion and left it at that.

"I'm going to get shot," he said, pulling again at Mukuro's hands. He felt the man cock his head to the side, before he pulled back and released Tsuna. Thanking the Gods of the Supermarket, Tsuna deposited the thawed steak and grabbed a new one.

"You're going to get _shot_?" Tsuna started when he realized Mukuro was following him back to his cart.

"Yes. I have to make four cakes for a wedding that I apparently didn't know about until yesterday, and it's _today_, and if I don't finish them, I will get shot. I don't want to get shot," Tsuna finished, checking over the items that lay in his cart. He still needed milk, eggs, and oil. Oh, and flour. Maybe he would cheat and buy those packaged cake mixes and just use those. No one would notice.

Deciding that was the best course, he began to make his way towards the dairy section for milk and eggs. He ignored the fact that Mukuro was following him. And that was when he realized something.

The people around him weren't truly repulsed by him. Some of the women were looking at him with envy and he was sure he saw a man or two whip their heads around to get a better look at his rear. And that disgruntled him. It didn't help that a child ran up to him, pointed at his face and proclaimed how 'pretty the lady was'. He was not a woman. He was a guy!

He told the kid so and felt guilty when he started crying. He heard laughter behind him, a disconcerting chuckle that ran up the length of his spine and made him both want to hide and indulge in the voice once again. He chose to remain crouched until the mother came to collect her child, staring at him with jealousy clear in her eyes.

"Do you see now, little Tsunayoshi?" There were hands on his shoulders, helping him up, and they trailed down his sides, "You are quite beautiful. Most of these people wish to sleep with you, be they male or female."

Tsuna ignored the way the Italian said his name, and how it made his stomach knot. Shrugging Mukuro off, he grabbed the cart with white knuckled ferocity and marched towards the dairy section. Sadly, it was through the frozen section, where Tsuna always received the most abuse. Granted, now that the brunette knew people were watching him with envy (and lust), the random elbows and gropes made a hell of a lot more sense. Though they still weren't appreciated.

He stopped when he noticed a sale on frozen meals and opened one of the large freezer doors. A blast of cold air sent goose bumps flying up on his skin and he gasped. He had just reached for the first of the no name brand pizza's when he felt the _eyes_.

Looking over his shoulder, he was met with dozens of eyes, all focused on his person. Mortified, he allowed the door to slam closed, clutching the frozen pizza to his chest. Why was everyone staring at him?!

He felt someone approach him, and by now he had memorized Mukuro's scent, "Cold air does wonders for the skin, Tsunayoshi." The employee apparently had no regard for personal space since he draped his arm over Tsuna's shoulder and leaned close to his ear, "That little gasp was delightful as well."

The implications of what Mukuro was saying made Tsuna recoil. He had not _meant_ to sound like _that_. The air was cold! He had been surprised! There was a sale on pizza! The damn freezer was _cold_. And he needed to get to the dairy section before he had a mental breakdown and called Reborn for a favour (like, blowing up the local supermarket).

Pushing off Mukuro's arm and shooting every person within the vicinity a glare, he threw the pizza into the cart and hurried out of the frozen section. When he didn't have an employee stalking him around the store, he would try again. But for now, he just wanted to get his milk and eggs, get the cake mix, and get out.

He succeeded in grabbing the nearest jug and a carton before he was gone down the cooking aisle two seconds later. He grabbed two vanilla, two chocolate, and two marble mixes (just in case), and some frosting. Reborn would know he had cheated (the bastard _always_ knew when Tsuna cheated), but he wouldn't get shot. And he would be able to get out of this supermarket without embarrassing himself further.

Of course, he seemed to forget the perseverance of one employee, who seemed bent on either making sure Tsuna _never_ shopped at this supermarket again, or just planned on pinning him to an aisle and molesting him within an inch of his life. Tsuna had a niggling feeling it was the latter.

The suspicion was confirmed when he made his way towards the cashier and was forcefully pulled away from his cart and into a doorway he had no idea existed. He saw the white box that shouted, "EMPLOYEES ONLY"; he saw dichromatic eyes and a mischievous smile. Then he really didn't see anything else because his eyes had closed the moment Mukuro kissed him.

It was soft and gentle and everything Tsuna knew Mukuro was _not_. It was also everything Tsuna had looked forward to for his first kiss. The soft pressure of the kiss allowed Tsuna to pull away if he didn't want it, and the hands hovering over his hips gripped just enough to keep Tsuna from wandering too far if he decided against what was happening.

There was something oddly comforting about being kissed by Mukuro. It might've been the fact that Mukuro wasn't trying to shove his tongue down his throat, or was blindly groping his ass. It also might've been the fact that he was slowly adding pressure and very calmly swiping his tongue along Tsuna's lower lip.

Tsuna jumped and pulled back slightly, eyes dazed. His hands had found their way once more to the front of Mukuro's uniform, gripping the green apron tightly. Mukuro grinned, dichromatic eyes holding a delighted twinkle. He pressed another lighter kiss to Tsuna's lips before pulling completely away.

"You don't wish to be shot, do you?"

The question made Tsuna blink. The desire to lean forward and press himself more fully against Mukuro almost drowned out any other thought. But Tsuna's survival instinct kicked him hard and he realized that being shot and kissing Mukuro were not exactly evenly matched. He really, _really_ didn't want to get shot.

Shyly, Tsuna released his hold on Mukuro's uniform. Pulling away, he pressed his back against the wall, "Of course not. I should – uhm, I'll be going. T-to, you know, pay for – cake and – yeah."

Mukuro raised an eyebrow, "My, my, Tsunayoshi, so quick to leave? And without even allowing me to ask you to dinner."

So blindsided by what Mukuro was saying, Tsuna stepped closer to him, "You wish to take – I mean, you want to – what?"

"A date, Tsunayoshi. Simple as that. Tomorrow. At seven. Shall I pick you up?"

Tsuna just blinked. Mukuro smiled and leaned forward until they were nearly touching, "Or would you prefer to meet me outside the supermarket?"

Realizing Mukuro was giving him an out in case he didn't wish to disclose his address, Tsuna nodded, "Sounds perfect."

Mukuro chuckled and pulled away again. He then carefully guided Tsuna out of the room and back to his cart. With another soft laugh, he bid the bewildered brunette farewell and disappeared down the cereal aisle.

Tsuna wasn't sure how he managed to pay for his items. He wasn't even positive how he got home. All he could think about was Mukuro and how he had a date tomorrow. But the niggling feeling in the back of his head finally pushed forward when he opened his door. He had cakes to bake and Reborn to please. And until that was done, he would have to push Mukuro and his amazing kiss to the back of his mind.

Tsuna looked down at the box of cake mix and couldn't help the smile. He had forgotten to buy oil.

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